Men are complicated, but in a simple way

I apologise in advance for generalisations in this piece.

The recent heavy rains had made a section of the road to our house near impassable for drivers and pedestrians. As you do when you are experiencing similar problems, my bed mate had a casual conversation about the road with a neighbour.

We have a car, this particular neighbour does not, and it was agreed, or rather suggested by my bed mate, that he would speak with other driving neighbours to see what first aid can be done on the road.  

The following day, this neighbour, one who usually survives on casual labour, got another man, and they started working on the road. Of course, my bed mate was confused, but he let them get along. A day later, the neighbour presented bed mate with a bill.

A little upset, he considered not paying a dime, then, in his words, he told me, “I looked at his face and I knew I had to pay him. He needed that money badly and it is better than begging for it – it’s a man thing.” Fair enough. You could call the man’s audacity being initiative. I call it taking advantage, but perhaps, as a woman, I might never understand how hard it is for a man to beg, although quite honestly, the people who beg for money in my inbox are male.

Initiative or not, a woman would have waited to be given a go-ahead, even if she had to push for it. Just recently, there was a meme doing rounds on how a group of men can keep meeting, share food, drinks and silly jokes but never get to ask one another’s names.

Instead they use monikers like boss, sir, and buda to address one another. If you are not in a pensive mood, the above truth is quite funny. Often, when men describe other men they hang out with, they will use the size of beard, gut or car – hardly the name.

Men are simplistic in my opinion, and that can be either good or bad. Good because it removes the anticipation burden of a pending friendship and commitment to be involved in other people’s stuff like ruracio and children’s first birthdays. Bad, because men hardly ever have someone to talk to when they need to. They pent up emotions and the inevitable eruption is never good.

Women on the other hand, the minute they make a subconscious decision that they would be friends with another woman, within days, they know their official names, where they work and live, if they are married and do they have children and if so, how many? It can feel nosy, it is nosy, but it is a good way of gauging if you have any common interests, and if a friendship with them is worth investing in.

In general, women find it easy to speak up their troubles. They find it easy to ask for and accept help. Women understand that a burden shared is a burden lighter. That is how women survive better when life throws curves at them – they will scream until somebody helps. They will sacrifice their dignity if it is what it takes to solve her problems.

A man? He would mostly rather die than be deemed a beggar, or weak, and unfortunately asking for help is weakness in manosphere. I have no scientific data to negate this claim, but there is nothing biological about this behaviour in both genders. It is social conditioning. Women are conditioned to ask and accept help.

Men must provide. I remember listening to an older woman’s skewed advice to her daughter, one whose husband was newly broke and could no longer easily meet his financial obligations, and the daughter was wondering if it would be okay to chip in. “Don’t do it. If a man has to steal to feed his family, then steal he must.”

I did not find it funny. I would definitely hate the phrase ‘thief’s children’ to be used on my daughters, but the way people around laughed and clapped and agreed, is it any wonder that we are generally a country of criminals? We make corruption and criminal behaviour too casual.

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